"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you go out in surrender to Him until you are not surprised an atom at anything He does?"

taken from Oswald Chambers - My Utmost For His Highest, Day 2

the core of the thoughts that are boggling my mind now.

1) self reliance and dependence

thought of this today while considering what should be done in view of my dire circumstances.

usually, people use the idiom "when push comes to shove" to express the concept of forcing one's way into or through something when the circumstances do not help him.

i think i have been "shoving" my way through life for too long and too much. it is time to PUSH instead. and that is to Pray Until Something Happens.

no more shoving and depending on my own strength .. but to PUSH with His strength.

2) covenents

some people have wondered why i have stayed single for so long. some even suspect that i'm gay. but the fact is that i'm in a covenent with my Lord. a covenent to set my life aside for Him to use me to the max before i get attached.

this is to remind me of this fact.

how will you respond if Jesus was to ask you this question?

" (insert your name here) , do you truly love me more than these?"

by "these" He is referring to the things that you find around you, the small comforts that you enjoy, the assured food on the table, and the security of life.

i still don't fully know how to answer this question before Him.

1) life.

sometimes we just label and brush off the troubles and pains that some people face in their daily lives with a comment that likens their lives to drama serials.

but sometimes we fear that our lives will turn out to be more complex than any other drama serial that has been written.

2) uncertainty.

because there is no pre-destination, life becomes uncertain.

uncertainty results from the lack of parameters that the consequences of our decisions must follow.

3) foolishness or just being a clown?

someone: human beings are funny people, even though they know that a relationship will never work out, they still get emotionally involved.

is this foolishness on our part or are we just being a clown?

1) on the road to recovery..

firstly thanks to all who are reading and have shown concern. it kept me sane for a bit during those sick days. =)

2) the journey to fight.

i think i got overly bored at home, and got depressed from staying at home too much. i need to go out to civilisation! but i'm going to move on. three more days to my release from this 'prison'.

but this time of illness has made me realise that there is a need to fight for joy in our lives. not just joy, but we need to fight for the things that we want. especially for me. i will love to explain more, but i just cannot put all the thoughts about this subject matter down. perhaps after i have consolidated all of them and organized them, then i'll blog about it.

but for now, it's time to FIGHT!